I forget sometimes that people hate copyeditors. Well, I’m sorry if my Chicago cramps your style, but we’re not Nazi nuns working for the SS getting off on correcting your grammar. We are hired by your publisher to give your writing a professional sheen that will reflect well on you.
1. Absolutely everyone’s work can benefit from a good professional edit. Not even Faulkner shat out beautiful gold-egg prose. He worked to get the tone/diction/rhythm right. And then he was edited.
2. I am grateful to every writer who makes typos. You keep me in business. The writers I judge are the ones who talk about “flesh-colored paint.” I expect that you’re less racist and more thoughtful than that.
3. I have a rich inner life, thank you for your concern. I have successful friendships, a relationship with someone other than my cat, and I’m working on my own writing projects. Nothing in my house is at right angles to each other.
4. Your grammar trauma is not my problem. I just change it and don’t think about it again. If you asked, I could probably tell you what your five most frequent writing tics are. But you could also tell that about me by reading my own work.
5. When I’m in a good mood, and the professional relationship is just right, I like to channel my writing tutor self and actually help you become a better writer, rather than just correcting your errors.
6. And your seventh grade English teacher was probably just trying to do the same.