A Plea to Craft Authors

1. If you are crafting animals out of back issues of Guns and Ammo, please take the time to learn enough about the animal to name the parts of its body correctly. (See “Do Cats Have Lips?“)

2. Please, please don’t make me have to explain to you that “flesh” is not just one color.

3. Get a manicure before you take step-by-step photos of how you craft cat hair into model flower gardens. You don’t need French Tips, but you’d be embarrassed if you knew how long I spent staring at your hangnails in the process of figuring out if the text and the pictures match.

4. Please try with your intros. I understand that you are craftspeople and not writers. But surely you can come up with something more interesting than “This project shows the many ways you can use jump rings.”

5. Use spell check.

What’s your plea today?

 

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8 responses to “A Plea to Craft Authors

  1. Don’t double-space your inset quotations when you’ve single-spaced the rest of your manuscript. What the hell style is that? Not one _this_ house asked for!

  2. Can you craft anything from chipmunk skins? The cat just brought me one for dinner.

    My plea is for better editing of ebooks. I just finished a kindle version of a novel with so many errors they were actually distracting. I can (maybe) forgive a couple here and there, but when it feels like a pail of cold water thrown over the reading experience there’s something wrong. And it was a full price novel too. Not a 99 center.

    • Deb, you MUST check out Regretsy (probably regretsy.com) and look under “Chimeras”. It’s a send-up of the craft site Etsy and chimeras feature taxidermied treasures such as a squirrel in a “fish suit”. What you could do with a chipmunk…

  3. Please, no more editorial phone calls. I’m a writer, not a phone-talker. I sound like a 14-year-old with a new boyfriend, giggling dementedly, following every train of thought to a verbal ellipsis.

    Email is my BFF.

  4. Your second reminds me of a big one. I was with my sister while she was bra shopping last Saturday. Our disdain for white bras is epic, but “flesh tone” makes us want to hit somebody. We are chocolate-colored women. Way too few bras come in brown. Or maybe the best fitting brown (or even black) ones get snatched up quick for good reason. Yeah, I think that’s it.

  5. Please, oh please, if you’re ever on vacation in a strange city, do not stop with your wheelie luggage the second a thought comes into your head. Pull to the side. And no walking four abreast. Ever.
    Walking and texting/surfing the web should be punishable by smashing said stupid phone to the ground after the second time you are tripped over.
    (grumble, grumble)

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