I Double-Dog Dare You

OK, folks. Here’s the story. I’ve been to grad school. I know that the writer just wants to be loved. You show someone a piece of writing. You may say that you’re interested in criticism, but we all know you just want the other person to drop everything that he or she is doing and say “that was the best piece of writing I’ve ever read; you have changed my life.”

But that’s not how the world works. Wah, wah, wah, writing is hard. So today’s challenge is to post the worst sentence you’ve ever written. It can be in your “abandoned paragraphs” file or you can write it on the spot for me. The winner gets a secret prize. The judge, just might possibly be Cougar Clause, if I can get her to do it (C’mon, Cougar, please!). Let’s get the embarrassment out of the way. We all feel like frauds. We all suck sometimes. Once we get the giant magnitude of suckage out of our system, we can probably write something pretty awesome.

I’m not in the running, but just to show you how bad it can be, here is my worst sentence ever from the Fucker:

“She may have stayed up late at night unable to sleep, but as far as we knew she was right as rain.”

I think I died a little inside posting this to a public forum, even if I am anonymous. OK, my friends, don’t leave me hanging. Give  me your worst fucking sentence ever, and ignore any typos herein; I am late for a meeting.


Indy Clause




19 responses to “I Double-Dog Dare You

  1. As danger crept around her, she became afraid that her end was coming closer, but vowed not to let that fear into her heart or anywhere near the spirit of joy which had guided her life to that point.

  2. I am too fragile at the moment. The WIP is one bad sentence away from total annihilation, and this contest might put it right over the edge. You don’t want that on your conscience, do you?

  3. When I told friends I would be visiting my in-laws on my own and that I was looking forward to it, they applauded me with a raised eyebrow.

  4. The only problem with judging is …

    (you were begging, right Indy? Like pleading, grovelling, beseeching, right? Wuddle I get?) Oooooohhhh kaaaaay, I’ll do it!

    … that I can’t enter the contest. But maybe it’s a relief. I’m not sure I could compete with the eyebrows.

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  6. (From a true story.)

    I sprawled on Lawrence’s sofa, and immediately regretted it; an unexpected dampness seeped upwards, and my mind iterated the many unsavory possibilities — although before I could properly plumb those depths, Kahlua bounded in and dispersed those dark thoughts — leash in his mouth, he slobbered vigorously while giving me that “gonna take me on a walk?” look.

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  8. Her brain circled round and round like a whirlpool picking up speed the closer it got to the center making her unable to grab the thoughts that dripped through her fingers.

    Hehehe. Oh yeah. Jealous much?

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