Forget cool, measured, and diplomatic

The Christmas “season” brings out all of my rage and bitterness. If I have to hear one more badly produced insipid religious song being played in order that I buy more crap I will destroy the entire mall with the power of my mind. (It’s the only power I have left.) I have nothing against Christmas itself, or adorable felted birds, but I fucking hate the powers of cliche that rise to destroy us all during this “season.”

1. It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Bullshit. Do you remember summer, when we could eat outside and spent long hours porch-settin’, hanging out with our friends/children/nephews, and the sun set at 9? Me too.

2. The ad campaign of a local jewelry store is something like “helping you do it right”.

Fuck you. Women don’t need to be surprised by a ring over the holidays. Men possibly are capable of having taste and buying their own fucking jewelry. One of my male coworkers told me that he had no fashion sense, and I swear it’s because, as a boy, he was never encouraged to. He wears clothes/colors that look fine on him. That’s what fashion sense is. Men can dress themselves and/or buy jewelry for the women in their lives, should they have any. My father used to buy my mother beautiful jewelry. DP chose his own wedding ring. And damn it, if it wasn’t me who asked him to marry me. This is not because I was trying to “emasculate him,” but rather because he didn’t know I wanted to get married (I was pretty anti-marriage) and I am not the kind of person to drop hints.

3. I hate how marketing drives us to overcompensate out of a sense of fear.

You’re doing it wrong. You’re going to get it wrong. Your kids will hate you. They will be scarred for life. I’m calling bullshit yet again.

What pisses you off?


8 responses to “Forget cool, measured, and diplomatic

  1. Ho Ho Ho !!!!

    I have always hated the holidays —– until a few years ago when I decided, “yeah, fuck that.” I can do what I want. The holidays are finally what I want them to be. A tree with lights. No gifts, not one! Lots of cooking and food and wine and board games. Did I mention the food? Holiday movies. Walking to dinner downtown, admiring the lights and decor and ignoring the rest. Love it.

  2. Goopy Christmas music. Consumer mob mentality. My MIL working herself into her annual Christmas frenzy so she’s too exhausted to enjoy the holiday and thinks we don’t appreciate all her efforts because we want her to sit down, please, and relax.

    And all those ads for cheap crap like those stupid flappy, light up children’s bedroom slippers and that stupid icee-maker that air multiple times during every single one of my kids’ favorite shows. “Mom! Look! Look, Mom!!! MOM!!!!”


    • Best commercial to make fun of, ever. I notice this year there’s one for some clothing line and it’s on constantly. Lots of good-looking people, dressed perfectly yet “casual,” out on boats and catching their own lobsters without getting wet or dirty, and then back to the Big House on the water —- Cape Cod? The Vineyard?

      Sure. Right. That’s a real holiday. If you’re Ralph Lauren.

  3. At the risk of exposing my geographic identity (which does nothing, dear Indy, to identify you), you should see the festive season where I live! Even though I am a Jew, pork spare ribs on the barbecue taste mighty good on the front porch with the kids splashing in the wading pool on Christmas day. Goes well with the game of cricket too. So, you can figure out that I don’t live in Wisconsin. But the funny thing is, we still get that “chestnuts roasting on an open fire’ background cacophony in our stores. I can imagine they’re talking about my barbecue. However, when they start piping in reindeer and sleighs, I have to choke a bit.

    But, blasphemy is tolerated here, and for that, I am grateful.

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