Getting Laid

Got your attention, didn’t I? However, I doubt this information will help you get laid. It may, however, help you talk about getting laid or not getting laid in a grammatically correct fashion.

1. In present tense, people lie down on the sofa, but lay a book on the table.

The overall rule is that if you are performing the action of lying, as in

Sarah W. lies down to take a nap after helping 35 old ladies find mystery stories with only a modicum of sex and violence.


Sarah W. lays her newest mystery story chock full of violence and sex on the table before she lies down for a nap.

2. The past tense is just there to confuse you.

Sarah W. lay down to take a nap yesterday after helping six surly teenagers find books about Chinese economics for their AP government class.

“Lay” is the past tense of “lie.”

Sarah W. laid a blanket between shelves PN 2371 and RC 183 in order to lie down and take a nap after leading story hour.

3. People get laid by other people.

You don’t get lied. Nope. You get laid. The reason for this is because the other person is “laying” you.

She got laid last night, and so she is disgustingly cheerful this morning.

Was that Sarah W.? I don’t know.

4. People lie around when they are feeling lazy.

I plan on lying around reading the book Sarah W. recommended.


Yesterday I just lay around and read the book Sarah W. recommended.

Damn you, past tense.

Does this answer all your questions?

10 responses to “Getting Laid

    • Ah yes, you must be careful. I had a post once titled “Erections Lasting Longer Than 4 Hours.” I’ll let your imagination take it from there …..

  1. I cannot tell how how refreshing it is to find this here. If I were still teaching, this would be a link I’d share. (And I would undoubtedly get in trouble for it, if students actually showed their parents what we did in class, which they only did when they didn’t want to do it.)

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