I’m getting tired of polite rejections that tell me nothing. I’m almost ready for truthful rejection slips.
Dear author, this is the 54th poem I’ve read tonight. I’m tired. Reject.
If I hadn’t just been snubbed by my crush at the bar after workshop last night, I would have recommended that the journal accept your story about young love.
Your book is slow in the middle.
You need better characters.
Learn how to use line breaks.
We only publish surrealist poetry, so we’ll be passing on your short story.
I hate myself.
I hate you for no reason, probably because I hate myself.
Your ending is weak.
I have a cold.
I’m quitting my MFA program tomorrow.
What rejection slips do you want to see?