How To Teach Relativity To Your Dog

I’m struggling to understand the first thing about astrophysics. I may edit article after article about genetics, the properties of concrete, goings on in the troposphere, etc., but I’ve never even taken physics, and bio and chemistry are a distant memory of high school misery. Go ahead, laugh. Now that you’re done, let me tell you about my salvation.

How To Teach Relativity To Your Dog

As I’m driving down the street, a squirrel darts out into the road a block or so ahead of me. From the back seat, Emmy says, “Gun it! Hit the squirrel, hit the squirrel, hitthesquirrel!”

“Will you sit down and be quiet?”….

“Awww,” Emmy says. “Dude, you totally could’ve gotten that one. This car is way faster than a stupid squirrel.”

“That may be, but…I don’t have time to careen around like a maniac chasing squirrels with the car.”

“No, no—you’d have plenty of time. Time slows down when you go faster.”

“Oh, God,” I say. “Don’t tell me you’ve started reading about relativity.”….

“One thing I don’t understand though…why do they call it that?”

“Why do they call what what?”

“Why do they call relativity ‘relativity’? Why not something cooler, like super fast time-slowing squirrel-catching dynamics?”

The author goes on to explain to his dog Emmy how motion is relative. That’s as far as I’ve gotten at the moment, but it’s cracking me up. I need this level of detail, Emmy’s simple questions, the petty jabs at the cat to understand this shit. First relativity, then the world.

What are you trying to understand?

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8 responses to “How To Teach Relativity To Your Dog

  1. I’m trying to understand why I”m not reading that book right now.

    Wait a minute—I’m in a library.

    Excuse me, I need to go check something in the catalog and then rummage around in the 500s . . .

  2. Is Orzel on this blog? He should be! do you know him? I like him already. Wow! Is it a coincidence that he is with Ind[y] bound?

  3. Pingback: Taking the long way around | Fangs and Clause

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