Hitting Send

I didn’t get an assignment from one of my students. I sent her an email reminder, and she finally confessed that it was done but she was having trouble hitting send. I don’t usually have that problem. Usually I’m whorish about my work; I’ll send it out to anyone.

One of my friends tells me this is because I’m a poet. According to her, poets share their work and fiction writers keep their work close to their chests. Close to their chests. Huh. I’ve heard that phrase, but am not really sure what it means.

I might have finished my (don’t laugh) tenth draft. (I think my soul just died a little writing “tenth.”) Moving on. I have a willing victim reader. But I can’t hit send.

“There’s so much more I need to explain!” I wailed.

“Let me be the judge of that,” said my victim reader.

On the one hand, I do have to go through and change all my “teh”s to “the,” but that’s the easy shit. I have to go through and address all the notes to myself in brackets. I like to yell myself in text. [FIX THIS] or [BARF] or “He used to tell me about XXXX.”

But I know that’s not really the problem. (Although explaining XXXX is going to be hard.) The problem is that section 4 scares me. I want to make it good. I want victim reader who now stands for all readers to love it, to learn something new, to see the world a different way. You guys support me. You cheer me along. You assure me that I’m going to finish The Fucker and so on. But that’s just talk. (Much appreciated talk.) The book is the real thing.

Are you whorish about your work?


9 responses to “Hitting Send

    • I’m with Downith, and my mother used to think I’d be a nun. Imagine!

      I don’t even let my husband read my work anymore. I’ve learned that getting feedback — positive or not — only helps when I’m pretty far along the road. I share my work in person, a chapter at a time, with my writing group and they give their initial impressions, and that’s a huge help, but I’m not ready for the beta readers yet. I’m already confused enough on my own.

  1. I won’t say I’m nunnish, but maybe I’m celibate. I really don’t share my work with anyone unless I’m having real difficulties with it. As for the published stuff, unless someone finds the link on my blog, they’ll never learn of it from me. I finally gave out the link to one of my stories to a runner friend last night, but I think the beer we were drinking may have eased me across that threshold.

  2. No nun here, I got me a deadline. And usually I think my stuff is so stellar that it deserves to be read, that all of humanity is waiting to hear my wisdom , waiting to share that which will change the world. Only a few are put off by my humility. Ah…what was in those brownies I just ate.

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