Monday was one of those days. I went to get the truck inspected, and it failed. DP is away and wasn’t answering his phone. I don’t know, molding young minds takes time and effort, whatever, why aren’t you at my beck and call, isn’t that what we got married for? By the time it came to sending my manuscript to a beta reader, I was a mess. By the time the lawnmower wouldn’t start I was homicidal.
Living alone is not good for my anxiety levels. But it helps me remember how to be independent. I looked up the fucking lawnmower manual online, figured out what I did wrong, and I mowed that fucking lawn. I figured out how to get where I need to go today without the benefit of a vehicle.
And I reminded myself to write a proposal for gig A. I’ll do that this morning before the interview I need to sit in on, I thought. But then I realized I couldn’t find the original document person B was supposed to send me. I thought I had seen it earlier. After extensive email searches and one google search for a person C’s email, I figured out a work-around.
And the cycle continues. I feel like an idiot because of something I did or didn’t do or couldn’t figure out. Then I do it, stop doing it, or figure it out and I feel like a genius. Welcome to my brain.
Downith told me about her student who used to say “Je freak out!” And her response was “Ne freak out pas.” I don’t know how to pronounce it, but it’s my mantra for today.
What’s your mantra this week?