Slapping myself upside the head

Yesterday I parked at least 20 miles from my place of employ and walked through a bona fide gale to get to teach a class. Pulling the sweatshirt from over my head and neatening my hair (as neat as one can get the good ol’ Jewfro), I said to a colleague, “I guess if walking through the rain and wind to my warm job is all I have to complain about, then I’m doing pretty well.”

It’s like I don’t even know myself any more.

My class was actually talking to each other when they got to the room. They peer reviewed each other’s papers like bosses. I taught them some copyediting-fu about how to cut garbage words/phrases from their prose. They listen and (gasp) participated.

Christmas has officially been cancelled. I don’t have to buy for DP’s family. Third Sister is going to see Second Sister and doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas until I see her in March. DP and I are giving each other a trip to New Orleans. So now whenever something pisses me off, I can say, “Whatever. I’m going to New Orleans.”

I’m downright fucking cheerful.

I leave you with the 2014 Hater’s Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalog, which is one of my very favorite things about one of my least-favorite seasons.

There are thousands of newfangled cooking tools and gadgets and devices that only a Greenwich, Conn., kitchen could possibly have space to accommodate. There are dustings and sprinklings and twee little bows, all perfectly arranged for your perfect little evening of perfect holiday entertaining with your perfect neighbor guests and your perfect children standing by the table in their john-johns and singing gaily to you all as you pipe fresh, warm cognac into each other’s butts.

What do you hate about this “season”?

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19 responses to “Slapping myself upside the head

  1. Five minutes ago, a lovely lady from my insurance company told me that the EMTs had the bill wrong and we DON’T own $700 for my daughters ambulance ride in October.

    I can’t hate anything right now.

    But if I COULD, it would be shopping for my husband, whose wish lit is both weird and a bit pricey this year.

  2. We are expecting a storm here in northern California. A. BIG. STORM. That’s all the news around here, that said BIG STORM will be here this evening and go all night with hard rains and 40 mph winds and won’t let up until *gasp!* tomorrow evening.

    We’ve not had a good rain here in about 2 years, so I get it. But there’s nothing like watching the Californians stock their pantries and get home before THE BIG STORM comes. Hilarious.

  3. I hate the way people get upset if you celebrate Christmas without being Christian. I mean, I get that it started as a Christian holiday, but is that really what it is at this point? Haven’t we moved into the ‘end of the year eat/shop/bulk mail’ phase of this production? And then, if you don’t celebrate it, they say you’re murdering the baby Jesus or some damn thing.

    I dunno. I do like Christmas cookies…

    • But didn’t it start as a pagan holiday and the Christians adapted it so as to ease conversion?

      OK, true story. My Great Aunt Weinberg grew up in a small midwestern town. When she was little she went to a friend’s house, and was told that the Jews killed Jesus. Great Aunt Weinberg knew she hadn’t killed Jesus, so she said, “Must have been the Goldfarbs.”

  4. a bunch of things:
    1) readers beware of Indy’s poetic license. She does not have a Jewfro. She has a few waves. Check out Cougar if you want to see a jewfro.
    2) glad you brought up the thing about non-Christian Christmasses, Averil. I am giving my children mezuzahs for Christmas. I told the lady at the judaica shop and she didn’t blink.
    3) Indy didn’t take poetic license with the Great Aunt Weinberg story. True, that!
    4) 40MPH winds Teri? I hope it gives you energy! I live in the windiest city in the world (they’ll never guess, Indy, so I am not giving anything away). The biggest wind we’ve had since I moved here is about 120MPH. But that’s not the point. the point is that when the wind dies down here, noone can sleep any more. We’re so used to the white noise, that being able to hear birds, or car noises is confusing. We get restless…
    5) there is nothing I hate about the season.. I’ll be away from the cubicle for three weeks, it’s summer, Chanukah falls on my birthday this year, and we’re having ham for…ahem…christmas, we don’t get junk mail in [name of country redacted]. Oh, and sister number 2 (for me, 3 for indy) is on her way to visit.

    indy, pick up the phone when I call you!!

  5. I’ve really come to hate the music. And, of course, the commercialization. And the faked good will of parties and such. I’ve often said I should leave the U.S. betwixt Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day just to avoid this wretched holiday. But I’m sure wherever I went they’d be trying to imitate Western Christmas and be doing a poor hack of it. Can’t win. I need a rock to hide under.

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