No Argument

One of my friends texted me, “Someone [presumably at her job?] is trying to argue that the Chicago Manual of Style is the ‘best’.” Clearly she was looking at the wrong person for backup.

“It is!” I wrote back cheerfully.

“I like that it takes all the crap out of the actual text [she was talking about citations as footnotes]. But that’s it.”

I did concede that the citation style was possibly not as perfect as the rest of the book.

“But how can you hate the style that brought you such classics such as ‘Pipe down with the Gratuitous Capitalization over there’?”

And thus, Indy’s Quick and Dirty Guide to the Chicago Manual of Style was born.

1. Pipe down with the Gratuitous Capitalizations over there.

2. Why the fuck would you even consider not using a serial comma?

3. Hyphenate adjectives that are more than one word only when they appear before a noun. Were you raised in a red-brown barn??

4. One does not italicize for emphasis, one lets the mightiness of her vocabulary rain emphasis down on her enemies instead.

5. Close up words so as not to overburden and overtax your underrepresented word count.

5a. Yeah, that didn’t really make sense.

6. Delete each and every redundant word phrase redundancy.

6a. Can you imagine how much it hurt me to write the last sentence?

6b. The pain was unbearable.

6c. I wept into my empty coffee cup.

7. When I’m queen of the world, I will call myself Queen Indy the Great and demand that everyone use single spaces between sentences without fail. That includes the royal consort, DP.

What are some of your favorite rules?


5 responses to “No Argument

  1. I thought Chicago was the manual for books. AP for journalism (newspapers). And assorted others for other purposes. I prefer the Gregg Manual (for secretaries) because it seems the most comprehensive. But for creative writing, ain’t none of ’em importint!

  2. Pingback: Link love | Grumpy Rumblings (of the formerly untenured)

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