As you can see, I’m still stuck on ridiculous panel titles. This ridiculous panel title is in honor of our rejection contest, which was judged by Cougar Clause. [The management would like to add that Indy would have pasted ironic quotes around “judged” if she didn’t hate them.]
Cougar: Nice comments, Brandon, but I don’t think it was rejection. Right? You passed?
Indy: You have a point, Cougar.
Cougar: Mine: terrific.
Indy: *eye roll*
Cougar: Downith 1? Yeah, that is a good revision report. I have an even better recent one…
Indy: Cougar! You are not allowed to talk about new rejections during the judging process. Were you raised in a barn?
[Management: Indy and Cougar were not raised in a barn.]
Cougar: Marian, also not a rejection, but not bad as far as inane comments go.
Indy: That’s because you no longer live in the US and you secretly agree with the comments [huge recurring argument flares up].
The next day:
Cougar: GEW – hmmmm. A rejection about how much s/he sucks. I’ve never had a rejection use those words, or say those things. In fact, I spend all my time in my writing for publication classes explaining that this is NOT what rejection letters say. They present opportunities (for us to figure out we sent something to the wrong place, that we should go after a better target); they don’t say what we think they said and we should get someone else to read the rejection and make sense of it before we get depressed; they sometimes point out stuff that we needed someone to show us and that we had been working on so long that we couldn’t see it any more. So, getting a rejection saying s/he sucks is really unusual (and probably not anything near what it actually said). In the absence of proof to the contrary (s/he didn’t provide), I’d say, this is the most unbelievable rejection and deserves commendation.
Cougar: Downith 2 is a close second (third, depending on whether I won or not).
Indy: Wait, you’re not allowed to win!
Cougar: Why not? Mine was the best.
Indy: But you’re the judge. That’s cheating. You’re not allowed to cheat. No fair, I’m telling! Mo-om, Cougar’s cheating!! [Huge argument flares up.]
Maternal Clause rolls her eyes from the great beyond.
The next day I did an independent third-party review, and it was determined by one very patient human being that, in fact, Cougar’s entry is the very best, most eye-rolling rejection. Congrats, Cougar! Maple sugar candy on its way. It’s like currency among Clauses.