Memoir Revision, Day 34,509

Hi Fucker, I am so tired of seeing your (type)face. We’ve been together for so long. Your lines are as familiar to me as my own damn hand. But I still find things to change, and I don’t think I’m rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

As a heathen Jew, I don’t think a lot about faith in my daily life. But one of my old hobbies (dating back to high school) is to ask my friends who are religious in-depth questions about how they see different aspects of their religion. I try to do it respectfully and it is out of a well of curiosity. One of my colleagues is religiously Catholic, which is novel to me. I’ve asked her all about praying, how she feels about Ash Wednesday, and confession. She is quite nice about answering my question and seems to like to be asked, which just encourages me.

But back to faith. I only have limited evidence that my fucker is going anywhere. I keep working on it. I do it because I have faith that it’s getting better, faith that it will get published, faith that it is meaningful, faith that I will make it the best book I can, faith that someday I will be done and have more to write about.

As I’ve probably said before, one of my friends talks about holding your book in your body. Those are not the words I would use, but they have more impact because of that. I call it entering the world of your book (almost) every day. But I still love the idea of holding the book in your body every day.

And today I had a new thought, a new insight to add to a section I have looked at a million times. And that’s enough to keep it/me going for another day.

How’s your fucker?


11 responses to “Memoir Revision, Day 34,509

  1. Today I feel like The Fucker is making me tired and fat and sullen and sad. My only hope is that tomorrow with The Fucker will be better.

    I’m going to work one more hour or so, then I’m going back to reading The Burning —- I can at least enjoy the serial killer!!

    • Grading makes me garden. Gardening makes me work on the Fucker. Frustration with the Fucker makes me edit. After a few hours of this, it’s me and Jane Casey on the couch. (Also, Teri, if you like Jane Casey, read Sharon Bolton. She also published under S. J. Bolton.)

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