Six Days of Revision

I forget how much I love this time of year. Everywhere I look I see my favorite colors, the deep red of the Japanese maple (70% of why I bought this house), light orange leaves all over my lawn, dusty purple asters, the smoky light of early morning.

I am restless, unsettled by some low-level resentment and irritation at my Second Job. So much of the overall structure of the Place of Employ is total bullshit. But there are things I find highly rewarding about the job. Yesterday, killing 15 minutes, in the adjunct office (no windows, two other people), one of my colleagues printed out his own little textbook, an introduction to logic, for me. I have emotional dissonance when I think about the Place of Employ. I’ve been working for myself for too long.

I’ve been happy about my revision efforts. But not today. Today I hate the MS. Nanorevisemo waits for no woman. I have 2500 words to revise today. I ended a section suddenly yesterday in a new place, but it seemed right. Now I have to start section two. I have some words written, they just need to be focused and interesting.

No problem. Right?

What causes you emotional dissonance?


One response to “Six Days of Revision

  1. My desire to write and my inability to write. Or maybe my desire and my dead motivation. Also, not doing the exercises I know I should for my aching hamstrings. Also self loathing of the only person I get to be. Also, reflection and rumination. It never ends.

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